Please R&R
by earinabox
Summary: Katniss and Peeta are in love, but love can only bring them so far. After that, survival alone drives them. Warning: Explicit sex scene.
1. Chapter 1

"Oh Katniss, you're so beautiful. I love so much that I would just die if you were to die." said Peeta.

"Peeta, I love you too. That's why we're getting a puppy. Also, I'm pregnant. It's twins." Said Katniss.

"I'm so sorry Katniss… I have brain tumor. I won't live to see our kids born."

The TV blared to life. On it, President Snow appeared. "I agree Peeta." He said. "You certainly won't live to see your kids born. That's because you two are going into the Hunger Games again!"

"No! Peeta!" Haymitch cried. "You were just beginning to help me end my alcoholism!"

"Because I may only have a couple of days left… I'm gay. Gale, I have always loved you." Peeta wept.

"Yes! Katniss is single again!" shouted Gale.

A man stumbled into the house, covered in coal dust. Katniss looked at the man, then gasped. "Dad?" she said, in shock.

"Hello honey." The man said, looking at Katniss and Prim. "I'm home."

Katniss' mom looked to the man, trembling, and told him the truth she had hidden so many years. "They're not yours. They're the baker's."

"Oh my God! Rosie's hung herself!" cried Gale.

"Who the hell's Rosie?" asked Finnick, eating a sugar cube.

Peeta and Gale had some kinky BDSM sex.

"The rebellion's started! Look outside, the people are fighting the government!" Johanna pointed toward a wave of people rushing toward the troops firing on them. Suddenly, an incendiary bomb dropped on them, and they all burned to a crisp. "Never mind." She grumbled.

"Guys, I need psychiatric help. I have PTSD." Said Annie, crying.

"Join the club." Said Enobaria.

Finnick's eyes happened to settle on Annie, and he instantly fell in love.

A small ball attached to a parachute drifted in through the window. Prim, interested walked to it and grabbed it. "No Prim don't touch that!" Gale cried. The ball exploded, incinerating Prim.

"You killed my sister you bastard!" yelled Katniss as she shot Gale with an automatic weapon.

"Hey, I see his liver looks nice and healthy. Do you think I could grab that real quick?" Asked Haymitch, who had been looking for a donor.

"Over my dead body!" Shouted Gale, springing up before dying immediately afterward.

"Oh my God! I just won the lottery!" Yelled Johanna. "Yee-haw, I'm a millionaire!"

"There's no place like home." Annie talked to herself, clicking her heels.

"I have a great idea everybody. I call it the Personal Computer." Said Beetee, fiddling with wires.

Gale's body began to twitch. "Brains…" It muttered.

"Get out!" The entire house seemed to yell, before it sucked Peeta into a TV.

"I can talk Mein Fuhrer!" yelled Mags while she hitler saluted.


	2. Chapter 2

From behind Mags, another German voice rang out. "Wait," said Finnick, "What is Hitler doing here? I thought this was a Hunger Games story."

Hitler, though, had little interest in Finnick or any of the other good guys. "President Snow, I am going to sue you for copyright infringement. The evil eagle signs and super evil podiums were totally mine first."

President Snow ran away to go into tax exile in the south of France because he was terrified that the copyright infringement suit would finally send Panem off the fiscal cliff and into an even worse debt crisis.

Hitler watched as Snow ran away, then shrugged. "Finnick," said Hitler, "I am your father."

"Noooo!" Finnick tried to run away, but instead he ended up tripping and falling down into a bottomless chasm. Annie was so sad that her true love was dead that she then committed suicide, and everyone else grieved for the lost couple.

But they could not grieve for long, for Gale had sneaked up behind Adolf Hitler and bitten him on the neck, creating the worst possible villain, Zombie Hitler. "Brains!" he shouted, and everyone scrambled for cover. They didn't want to become one of his army of zombie Nazis.

Katniss grabbed a bicycle and pedaled as quickly as she possibly could away. Unfortunately, the zombie Nazis had spotted her, and they were chasing her with their walkie-talkies at the ready. She pedaled ever harder; she would not become one of them!

"Meow," said something from the basket, and Katniss looked down to see Buttercup staring back at her.

"Damn cat," she muttered, but when she looked back up, she noticed that she was no longer on the ground. Instead, she was flying high in the sky, far out of the reach of any Nazis. Katniss kept pedaling as they soared in front of the moon, providing an amazing sight that inspired a young director (let's call him Stephen) below to greatness.

Like all good things, it could not last for long. They flew towards the jaws of an enormous reptile-looking thing. "It's part raptor!" growled Buttercup, and the bike crashed down to the ground, creating an unusable mess of twisted metal. Luckily, neither cat nor person was injured, and they hurried away.

"What does that even mean?" Katniss asked as they ran.

"It's going to be super smart and chase after us!" In this set of circumstances, it didn't really seem all that strange that Buttercup could talk.

With Nazi zombies on one side and Indomnius Rex on the other, Katniss was certain this would be the end of both of them, but just then, Haymitch grabbed and handed them automatic weapons. "What do you think you're doing?" he shouted.

She faltered for words, and her mentor shook his head. "We don't have time for that, sweetheart. Come on, we've got Nazi zombies to kill."

"RAWR!" Katniss spun around and shot the swastika-laden zombie that had snuck up behind them.

"You forgot rule number two of the zombie apocalypse: double tap!" said Haymitch.

"Wait, what was rule number one?"

"Doesn't matter right now, sweetheart, we've got a president and a fuhrer to kill. They've conveniently sequestered themselves in the same burning movie theater!"

Katniss grinned and followed Haymitch over the river and through the woods to Paris, where, just as he had described, a burning movie theater filled two of the greatest villains ever awaited them. The world knows no glee like emptying an entire magazine into President Snow and Hitler as the screen fills with Tarantino red.


End file.
